June 21 - July 22
The dark side of
Step into my parlor
Water: Cancer water slogs through shifting quicksand. You think you are strolling the sunnist of beaches. Soon, you are clawing your way out of a life-sucking black hole.
Cardinal. Cancer’s leadership are confined to head emotional manipulator.
The crab. Crabby. Furtive. Reclusive. Brittle.
The Moon. Shadowy character. Behind the scene maneuvers. Loony bird. Lunatic.
Favorite book :
The Martyr’s Handbook
Role model :
Dream jobs :
Key phrase :
After all I’ve done for you
Body part :
Breast, permanently chaffed from the hair shirt.
'I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.' Hunter S Thompson (Born July 18)
The first thing you'll notice is his genuine, and adorable, smile. The Cancer man is sweet, chivalrous, and has a wonderfully off-beat sense of humour that can be downright loony. He is sentimental, sensual, and truly affectionate. He is a traditionalist who respects the proprieties of courtship, believes in family and forever, and he's absolutely the best snuggle-bunny in the universe.
You may see an ideal mate, but what you get is an ideal stalker. A male Crab's idea of devotion is bonding at the hip, so unless you are prepared to become his Siamese twin, run in the opposite direction as fast as possible. In bed he is tender, but so passive that you'll soon tire of always being on top.
His devotion is legendary. However, don't say 'I do' until you understand that this extends to every friend and relative he's ever had, especially mother. It's not above him to wait until the honeymoon to tell you she's coming to live with you as soon as you return.
He's subjective. His favourite game is 'Guess How I'm Feeling'. You will be expected to read his mind, sense his moods, and mend his fragile ego, all without benefit of knowing what has upset him. Don't worry. Everything upsets him. Forget to buy toothpaste, and he'll decide you don't love him anymore. Say you want a night out with the girls, and he'll expect divorce papers in the morning.
Conversely, he will be so blind to your feelings that you will soon find yourself thinking of ways to escape. Try talking rationally, and he will become morose and over-emotional. He's so preoccupied with his own sensibilities, and his basic character is so convoluted, that he simply can't believe you don't feel exactly as he does on every issue. He's as moody as the female Crab, and punishes any perceived slight by retreating into his metaphorical shell so he can have a good old pout.
The male Crab is as paranoid about security as the Bull but, in a financial crisis, will expect you to do all that nasty stuff like making a budget or working two jobs to ensure the family's future. He'll be too ill with a case of stressed-induced acne to show his face in public.
He will stop at nothing to get you to agree with his point of view, even if it's only on the best flavour of ice cream. Anything less is total rejection. First, he will explain in excruciating detail why pecan is better than walnut. Next, he'll try his lost boy look to win your acquiescence. If neither tactic works, he will sigh, say he's not hungry, and sit brooding in front of the TV. You better be prepared to either give in or live in silence. Before you gratefully choose the latter, remember silence to a Crab is punctuated with long, mournful sighs, minor to major groans, and frequent whimpering mutters.
A prime example of a male Crab in action is King Henry VIII. When Henry wanted to divorce his first wife, Catherine (a Sagittarius), to marry Gemini Anne Boleyn, you would think that he would have said, 'So be it'. Instead, in typical Cancer style, Henry tried to ensure that everyone in the kingdom agreed with him. He dragged out the barge, visiting his royal advisors up and down the Thames. He petitioned the Pope for an annulment; even encouraged Catherine to say their marriage was never consummated.
When Catherine refused, he locked her in the Tower of London. When the Pope refused, King Crab created the Church of England, installing himself as its secular head. Through alternating displays of temperament and torture, he secured most of his noblemen's support. Then, true to his changeable nature, he had Anne beheaded, in just under three years of marriage, after it had taken him five years to fight the battle to marry her in the first place.
While your Crab will probably not have you dispatched, he is totally capable of blinding himself to everything that doesn’t reflect his narrow, ever-changing viewpoint. And you will suffer a tedious display of relentles carping ad whining aimed at securing your slavish, unquestioning devotion. Since you’re in a no-win situation anyway, you might as well tell him you like boysenberry sherbet, you’ve just quit your job, and by the way,is that a pimple sprouting on the end of his nose?