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22 décembre 2013 7 22 /12 /décembre /2013 14:37

April 20-May 20



The dark side of

LibraScorpioSagittariusCapricornAquarius -




What is mine is mine; what is yours is mine…too


Earth: Taurus earth is like a swamp filled with ancient trees covered in moss. Maneuvering through this bog feels like a dream in which you try to walk but get nowhere.

Fixed. Taurus ist the original immovable object

The Bull. Bullish. Bullheaded. Raging bull. Full of bull.

Venus, the goddess of lust, jealousy, and hedonism

Favorite Pastime:
Passing judgments over dinner.

Favorite book:
The Gluttonous Gourmet 

Role model
Uncle Scrooge

Dream jobs
Hanging judge

Key phrase
Why do you make me hit you?

Body part
The throat, usually sore from bellowing


The great question - which I have not been able to answer - is 'What does a woman want?' Sigmund Freud (Born May 6)


He's patient, prudent, and persevering, a tower of strength on whom you can lean. You'll fall for his shy charm and those big, sad eyes. He may remind you of a slow-talkin', slow-walkin' hero like Gary Cooper or Henry Fonda. His needs are simple: home and hearth, a good woman, and a nest egg for that rainy day. But before you start drooling, read on!


Taurus may offer old-shoe comfort, but what you're likely to get is an army-boot mentality. Hook up with the Bull and either do things his way, or do your thing alone. He won't mind your independence, if it benefits him in some way, and as long as dinner is ready when he appears.

Don't expect to be showered with praise and lavish attention. But do expect to be cast in the role of the little woman. Of all the men in the universe, this one expects the 1950s textbook version. He will buy your clothes, pick your friends, and criticise your beliefs. He is judgmental and fixed in his ideas, attitudes, and prejudices. Nothing you can say or do will change him.

You'll have the distinct feeling of being boiled alive slowly, just as the proverbial frog, and you will be right. Mr T invented the smothering relationship.

He is jealous, possessive, and obsessive. Piss him off and he'll hold a grudge. Unfortunately, it's not a silent one. He will snipe and pick and make nasty remarks until you want to bash in his head with the nearest blunt object.

The Taurean love for food is renowned, and the Bull likes to eat. By your second anniversary, he could be wearing triple-X sweat pants and a truss. He is capable of eating himself into multiple heart attacks and will expect you to play nurse both in and out of the bedroom.

His idea of excitement is switching from the food channel to Wrestlemania. It's convenient, not too far from the refrigerator, and best of all, doesn't cost a thing. You may be irresistible, and he may love you madly, but he will never understand why you need any other company but his. If he does take you out, it will be to one of his favourite restaurants, where he'll be too busy stuffing his face to make decent conversation.

He's a cheapskate. Only a Taurus could live on a beer-and-beans budget unnecessarily. He may have millions, but you'll never see the bank accounts, although you might get an allowance. If you do get his money, it will only be because you outlived him, or murdered him in his sleep. The latter will become a tempting idea as time goes by.


Sigmund Freud's use of psychoanalysis was a breakthrough in the field of psychiatry. But only a Taurus man could be at once so obtuse and so egotistical as to define a woman's frustrations and unresolved emotional distress as penis envy. Freud's Scorpio ascendant only fuelled his obsession with sex. Virtually all of his theories held sex responsible for all the emotional ills of mankind. Including Sigmund, who had a lengthy affair with his wife's younger sister. The original Freudian slip.

The Bull's favourite game is Grand Inquisitor. He will expect you to report every detail of your day. He will also rummage through your private papers and read your diary at the first opportunity. If you have a past and are foolish enough to reveal it, he is capable of using it against you at any time for the rest of your life. Your best bet is a safe-deposit box, and to lie your ass off.

He is so stable, he's inert. Work and home are all he knows, or needs. Although he's marathon man between the sheets, what he really wants is a housekeeper, and is so insensitive that you must hit him with a hammer to get attention. If you're the type who needs excitement now and then, you could lick the light socket or have an affair. With a Taurus man, I'd opt for the former.

The Bull is not the forgive-and-forget typ. Although he hates change, he is perfectly capable of tossing you out on your ear one day and moving in your replacement the next.

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